Maybe there’s no such thing as a “Calling”

You are the Universe, expressing itself as a Human for a little while. – Eckhart Tolle

 

I imagine that most people, if not all, have asked themselves at least once, “What’s my purpose?” or “What am I called to do with my life?” And I think most of us are conditioned to try and figure out what that “calling,” or purpose is. Discerning what we’re supposed to be or meant to do isn’t an easy task; it can bring about a lot of unease and anxiety if you haven’t figured it out yet. A few people know from childhood what their calling is. Others discover it along the way as they journey through life. And then, there are some who spend their whole lives searching and never stumble upon it.

Personally, I’ve struggled with figuring out what my calling is. The question, “What is my singular purpose in life?” has always plagued me, and I’ve thought about it countless of times, followed hunches, and embarked on a myriad of paths. And yet, I still don’t know the answer.

I had a recent conversation with my best friend who challenged me to consider that maybe there’s no such thing as a calling, and that maybe we’re here to live good lives, be good people. And that’s it.

I hadn’t really ever given much thought to that possibility, that there isn’t a “purpose” someone is put on this earth for. It’s a mind-jarring idea. And yet, it also makes a lot of sense.

Her perspective reminded me of the quote at the top of this post by Eckhart Tolle, “You are the Universe, expressing itself as a Human for a little while.” In other words, each person is an individual manifestation of the Universe, and through each individual the Universe has a different experience of the sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and textures of this world. For example, two people may hear the same piece of music, but for whatever reason I may be more emotionally moved by the high notes of the violin while another person will be more touched by the low notes of the bass. Experiences are subjective. Thus, the perspective the Universe experiences through me is different from the perspective the Universe experiences through you, and yet we are all wholly connected to that one, larger energy which is the Universe.

To put it simply, we are here to experience.

I’ve often found it to be the case that a tell-tale sign of a truth is how simply that truth can be expressed while simultaneously encompassing something very profound. Perhaps, this is one of those truths. And how incredibly freeing that truth is, knowing that each moment whatever I’m experiencing right now is exactly what I’m here to experience.

You are creation’s first and last chance…to be you. Just as you are today. That’s all you have to be. Bask. It’s more than enough.

– The Universe (from “Notes from the Universe” by Mike Dooley)

 

 

To Thine Own Self Be True

“To thine own self be true” — Polonius (from Shakespeare’s Hamlet)

Great advice. You’d think it’d be easier to follow. I mean, how hard is it to be true to yourself? Well, apparently, it’s super duper hard. I think what makes it difficult is few of us take the necessary time to find out who we are at our core by asking questions like:

• What makes me happy?
• What do I want out of life?
• What activities make me feel fulfilled?
• If today were the last day of my life, what would I regret not having done?

More often than not, I think many of us focus more on what we don’t want rather than asking ourselves what we do want from our professional and personal lives. And we make the mistake of thinking that merely identifying what we don’t want will lead us to what we do want. Don’t get me wrong: knowing what you don’t want is very important. But that shouldn’t be the focus: we need to focus on what we do want in order to arrive at that destination. As the saying goes, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.”

Lately, I’ve been reassessing where I am in life because I have not been feeling fulfilled, and happiness seems to be something I keep searching for yet is elusive. So I started digging deeper because the truth is all answers are really within. I’d been so caught up with what’s practical, other’s expectations, what I should be doing, my own doubts and fears, etc. All those thoughts have been drowning out my ability to hear the song of my soul, that inner voice which already knows what makes me happy, but I have been too scared to listen to.

Recently, I tuned into a podcast in which the guest speaker was Gretchen Rubin, lawyer turned writer. By all objective standards she was very successful (i.e. obtained her law degree from Yale University, clerked for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor) and from the outside one would think she’d be incredibly happy and fulfilled. Yet, the fact remained that Gretchen was unhappy, so much so that she got to a point where she “would rather fail as a writer than succeed as a lawyer.”

Wow. That really resonated with me. That statement reminded me that happiness is found in being true to ourselves. I just seem to have a bad habit of forgetting that wisdom and paying more attention to the fears in my head and/or other’s expectations.

Life is a process of discovering and sometimes rediscovering things you already know. The key is being brave enough to follow your truth, to live that truth day in and day out, despite how scary it may seem. And what I’ve observed is that every person who is true to themselves is happy and fulfilled, not because they have achieved status/fame or are wildly successful financially, but because they live a life aligned with who they are at their core.

But what if I fail? creeps in the doubting voice. Yes, failure is always a possibility. But let’s look at it like this: haven’t you succeeded at things that didn’t ultimately make you happy, yet you went and did them? Chances are yes, you have. Then, shouldn’t you give yourself enough credit to think that you might succeed at something that does make you happy? And even if it doesn’t pan out, and you do “fail,” living life actively engaged in a process that does fulfill you is a success in and of itself. Like Jim Carrey once said in a commencement speech, “You can fail at something you don’t want so you might as well take a chance on something you love.”

“Be yourself. The world worships an original.”
~ Ingrid Bergman

 

 

 

 

What is America?

An illustration of immigrants on the steerage deck of an ocean steamer passing the Statue of Liberty from Frank Leslie’s Illustrated Newspaper, July 2, 1887. National Park Service, Statue of Liberty NM

U.S.-Mexico border fence

 

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” 

– The New Colossus by Emma Lazarus

 

When I was in high school, my family and I vacationed in New York City. One of our many stops was the Statue of Liberty. As a teenager, I knew what most people knew about the famed statue—beacon of light, greeter of immigrants, symbol of hope/freedom/democracy, gift from France. However, what I mostly remember of the experience is waiting in a really long line and climbing a lot of stairs.

A few days ago, I visited Las Americas Premium Outlets in San Diego, California. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw this long fencing of metal sheets with security cameras jutting out at the top. I thought to myself, “So this must be the U.S.-Mexico border.”

I’d travelled to Canada and several European countries, and the only border barrier of any sort that I’d seen was a portion of the Berlin wall in Brussels, but that was an artifact, a thing of the past. I’ve never seen an active physical barrier between countries until I saw the fencing around the outlet parking lot. The fence didn’t look particularly foreboding, but it was a bit surreal seeing such an expansive, conspicuous delineating mark of separation.

Hours of window shopping later, I left Las Americas Premium Outlets. And as I approached my car, there it was again. That long stretch of fence. As I drove away, the words of Emma Lazarus’ famous poem at the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty flashed for a second within my mind.

When I got home, I became pensive about the fence. It made me think of the political climate in America, the plans to build a “wall” along the U.S-Mexico border, the divisions within American society, and the very real struggle to define who and what America is today.

As I pondered this, certain recollections popped up. One was a snippet of an interview given by Bono, a social activist and the frontman for the Irish rock band U2. In the interview, Bono stated, “Look, America is like the best idea the world ever came up with.” To him, America is unique because it isn’t just a country; it’s also an idea “bound up in justice and equality for all.”

Another image that came to mind was Frank Sinatra singing, “The House I Live In,” to a group of young boys telling them what America means to him, such as diversity of peoples and religions and free speech.

As I juxtapose the pictures above: one of an illustration of immigrants aboard a ship approaching the Statue of Liberty and the other of the current physical divide along the U.S.-Mexico border, I hear another song from Sesame Street: “One of these things is not like the others/One of these things just doesn’t belong.”

So, America, who are you?

Frank Sinatra-The House I Live In

What Death Gave Me

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” -John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

It’s been slightly over a month since my Dad died, and yet it feels like no time has passed at all. Astonishingly, time has stopped existing for me. Whereas before, as I had gotten older, time seemed to be moving faster and faster; as if there was never enough time, and whatever time I had was slipping past so fast; now, time stands still. In fact, it feels like eternity. Perhaps, it is because I can’t imagine the future without my father. It’s not that I do not look forward to the future because despite my grief, I still have hopes and dreams. I’m simply so painfully aware of the present moment. It’s all I can do really. Take it day be day. Hour by hour even. Each minute, I’m observing my emotions. Time has slowed down considerably to say the least.

I had been sad before, extremely sad, depressed even. But this is different. Because losing a beloved is so profound, it is not something one can imagine because it is unimaginable. Grief is not an extension of sadness; it is categorically its own emotion. And I’m discovering, that there is no timeline for this. Grief is a process, and one simply has to let it run its course. Or not. Some people bury their grief in their work, or turn to distractions such as drinking so as not to feel. Everyone grieves in his own way. Sometimes, unhealthily. I’ve chosen to allow myself to grieve as fully as I can. To feel it and be patient with it, but also to observe it rather than let it consume me.

What does Grief feel like? For me, it feels physically heavy. Like I can feel the weight of my body similarly to how one feels his weight upon stepping out of a swimming pool. And my heart sits heavy in my chest as if it were injected with liquid gold. And my emotions threaten to spill over all the time. It doesn’t take much; even a mere thought sends tears spilling over my eyelids. Keeping them at bay is useless and draining, anyway.

I’ve experienced so many emotions since my Dad died. Anxiety, an irrational need to do something and figure everything out, irritation, loneliness. Fortunately, I’ve settled out of that. It seems I’ve transitioned into a general grief of low energy, constant exhaustion (I could sleep for days if I allowed myself to), and hyperawareness of just how long the day can be. And happiness seems so foreign a concept at the moment. Some days are okay, some not so okay. It’s a process.

And the illusions of ego have disappeared, at least momentarily. Something as traumatic as the death of someone so primordial as a father knocks all the egoic needs to keep up with things that don’t really matter.

I do believe in an afterlife. As part of the eulogy I delivered, I stated that no matter what your creed, it is an immutable law of physics that energy cannot be created nor destroyed; it merely transforms from one form into another. Therefore, my father’s energy (his essence, his soul, his being) still exists, just in a form we don’t readily recognize. So my grief comes from the realization that in his new form, I can no longer share in his experiences and he can no longer share in mine in quite the same way. But one day, when I die my energy will also transform. And I will see him again.

In the meantime, I live in this within this physical form. And in this life, Death has reminded me that all we ever really have is this moment. Death has also reminded me to live a purposeful life. My father was blessed to live 85 years on this earth. And by all accounts, he lived his purpose; he did what he was meant to do. I had thought about things like that before: what is my purpose? But now that question takes on a weight it never did before. How can I honor my life by living my purpose now? What is that purpose? Part of grieving then is also figuring that out because life takes on new meaning after losing someone you love.

“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.”-Anne Roiphe

Concept or Feeling

The root of JOY is gratefulness. — David Steindl-Rast

I become mindful of my present moment and then a feeling of joy swells in my heart, permeating my body. It is as if an inner has geyser erupted, and the waters of gratitude are filling me up to my extremities with the warmth of true joy. Nothing particularly spectacular has elicited this. It’s a Sunday afternoon, tranquil, sunny, ordinary.  And I’m just sitting in my room being present. But that’s exactly it. Nothing extraordinary needs to happen. Joy is readily accessible because I finally understand gratitude.

Over the past few months, I’ve been fortunate enough to experience many moments like this simply because I’ve learnt how to be consciously present and to accept what is now. How simple, and yet being present was something I had to learn how to do. Before I acquired this skill, my default was auto-pilot and my mind was usually dwelling on the past or thinking about the future. Neither of those thoughts were cause for much joy. I’d either be in a state of sadness about something long gone or worrying about things that may or may not happen. I didn’t know how to be grateful for the present moment. I had always approached the present as a stepping stone to a happier, yet elusive future. I didn’t know how to embrace the moment now until I stumbled upon some revolutionary thoughts by way of Eckhart Tolle.

I thought happiness was the goal, but happiness is a state and states can change. Joy comes from the heart; it is more powerful and intrinsic. Joy is always accessible because it is an inner feeling, and it is dependent solely upon one’s willingness to be truly grateful. So as I understand it, one can be unhappy with a situation, but still be joyful because one is grateful.

The key for me was figuring out how to be grateful. What really is gratitude? I knew intellectually that it meant to be thankful, but my mind hadn’t made the connection to my heart. Gratitude isn’t just a concept, it is a feeling. So while I’ve always known the definition of gratitude and how to outwardly express it, I never really knew gratitude until I felt it in my heart. I had gone through the motions of making lists of saying what I was thankful for, expressing “thank yous” verbally without being consciously connected to the feeling of gratitude.

Like the present moment, I wasn’t embracing gratitude; it was just another stepping stone. I didn’t realize it then, but I was treating gratitude like a concept rather than marrying it to a feeling. Until one day, after months of working on staying present and being mindful to say my “thank yous” and write my gratitude lists, I sat there and let my Being teach me the meaning of gratitude. Something stirred inside me where I felt overwhelmed and touched that I was so blessed, that I was so lucky for every single thing in my life and for every single event I’d experienced, whether it was “good” or “bad”, “happy” or “unhappy”, I felt truly blessed for it all and realized that I wouldn’t change a thing nor was I currently lacking anything. I felt abundant in every aspect of my life. I felt blessed for even the most ordinary things that it almost made me want to cry. This feeling: this was gratitude.

My mind was blown. Gratitude is a feeling, not a heady concept. I still write my lists and say my “thank yous,” but now I know how to really access gratitude. I simply have to feel it in my heart. Let it swell within through embracing the present moment, the present situation, whatever it is that is right here, right now in front of me. Befriend the present moment, not resist it. So even in moments or situations of unhappiness, I still know how to access joy (which is really being at peace with the present moment) by allowing myself to feel gratitude.

It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.–Eckhart Tolle

Life is so much better with a Good Quote

Interestingly, I believe it’s human nature to like simplicity even though it’s also human nature to complicate our lives more than needed. And then to help us get back to the basics we look towards overarching, guiding principles to sort through the minutiae.

That’s why I adore quotes. It’s amazing how one or two sentences can put your whole life into perspective. When I hear a good quote, I write it down because you never know when you could use a reminder of what’s really important in life.

Here’s a random collection of quotes I jotted down. May it help you simplify your life and give you perspective, inspiration, and motivation. 🙂

To design the future effectively, you must first let go of your past. -Charles J. Givens

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein

If we listened to our intellect we’d never have a love affair,…a friendship,…go into business….You’ve got to jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down.-Annie Dillard

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. -Jack Canfield

Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It is the recognition that something is more important than being afraid.-Anonymous

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.-Wolfgang Goethe

It’s not over till it’s over, and even then it’s not over!-Anonymous

When You Get There

“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!” ― Mark Twain

You know why it takes Mark Twain a week or so to make up his mind? I’ll conjecture that it’s because he’s running through every possible scenario surrounding the decision he has to make.

Oftentimes, when there’s some major question in our lives our minds are caught up incessantly thinking. We stress and are anxious. Should I….? Will I be happier if…..? And then if I choose this, what if that happens…..? It’s almost like uncontrollable mind chatter, thoughts upon thoughts of scenarios swirling around regarding whatever decision is up ahead.

But that’s just the thing. The decision is up ahead. It’s not here, right now needing to be made. All these shoulds and what ifs are imaginary possibilities. And no matter how logical or likely those possibilities are they are still only scenarios; they do not, as yet, exist.

The only thing that is real is the present moment. Remembering that helps me stop my mind from racing; why am I going to agonize over anything that isn’t real? And I remember that whatever comes my way, I can cope with it. You can always cope with the present moment; you can’t cope with made up scenarios.

Take each day as it comes. Keep moving. Decisions will have to be made, but why cause yourself grief stressing over imaginary what ifs. Don’t misunderstand: I’m not advocating not making decisions. I’m saying decisions can’t be avoided, but you don’t have to torture yourself over which decision to make and what might happen all the way up to actually making the decision.

Chances are you’ll be a lot less stressed if you decide when it’s in front of your face. Cross the bridge when you get there. Have faith that when you do, whatever you choose is the decision you’re supposed to make and that you’ll be able to handle whatever opportunity or challenge presents itself thereafter.

Oh and trust your gut. I’ve discovered that anytime I’ve followed my gut feeling, it’s never lead me astray.

“Trust instinct to the end, even though you can give no reason.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Game of Life

“You have to play to win.” – Professor Salman

Life is a game.

I don’t mean that in a don’t-take-anything-seriously-because-life’s-just-all-fun-and-games kind of sense; I mean that you’re here to jump in and participate, not sit on the sidelines. The really interesting part is that in this game of life, each person is his own player, coach, and referee.

• You’re the player because you and only you can execute the moves that move you towards the goal.
• You’re the coach because you make the call when or if you’ll get off that bench and step onto the playing field.
• You’re the referee because you decide what each move means to you in the game.

Sometimes, we forget these things: We don’t do what we know we need to do to move forward, and yet we still hope it’ll happen…somehow? We wait for someone else to be our coach and hope we’ll get picked to play; however, if you wait to be called in, you may never get off the bench. We don’t frame our own perspective so when things happen we don’t make each experience, whether good or bad, useful to our growth.

Want to give yourself a shot at something? Play. Simply, play. If you play, you may win.

And yes, if you dare to play, there is a chance of losing. However, if you don’t play at all, you’ve already handed yourself a loss. Why go through life guaranteeing yourself to fail?

And losses aren’t really all that terrible. Yes, you experience some degree of pain, but at least you put yourself out there, and in doing so, you’ve succeeded at going further towards your goal than those idly dreaming on the sidelines.

Plus, if you do win, all the trials and tribulations would’ve been worth it.

Give yourself half a chance at something you want.

Everyone has a dream. And while for some those dreams may have been buried for years, somewhere inside those dreams still exist.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

“You’re never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

Gratitude Remembered

It’s easy to be thankful when things are going great. The challenge is to remember to be grateful when things aren’t the best. Many times, I’ve found that being grateful actually turns those not-so-swell days around because a key to happiness is being thankful for what you have. Gratitude fills you with joy from the inside out.

Be grateful for your health, your loved ones, your pet, the air you breathe, your eyesight which allows you to read this blog, your job that provides you income, your car that gets you where you need to go, the comfortable bed you sleep in, the hot water running through your shower pipes so you don’t have to bathe in the freezing cold, the shoes on your feet that protect you from walking barefoot on the pavement. Stop and really think about it. There’s so much to be thankful for no matter what.

A best practice of mine when I’m feeling down is to jot down 10 things that I’m grateful for and why I’m grateful for it. And sure enough, by the time I get to my tenth thing I feel tons better. Remembering what you’re blessed with is a great tool for focusing on the positive, seeing the good, and appreciating what you have.

There isn’t anything too trivial to give thanks for. Imagine if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were grateful for today?

I try to make gratitude a daily ritual. Every now and then, I need a little reminder, need to hold myself accountable. 😉

Want to grow your happiness? Cultivate gratitude. 

Silent Strength

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'”- Mary Anne Radmacher

There are times when I have all the gusto in me. I’m full of zest and feel like I could conquer the world. Fist pumping in the air. If life were a race, I’d be the sprinter, exploding with power to the finish line.

And there are other times when the days and nights have worn me down. When this day and that day have blended into one long, seemingly never-ending marathon. My sprint has slowed to a crawl. And I am exhausted.

On those occasions, I take a deep breath and retire to bed, knowing that tomorrow I will wake up and keep going. This silent strength may not be as dazzling as that courage which is loud, but quiet courage is just as powerful because at the end of the day when you’re running on empty, it is the quiet courage that will compel you to get up and try again.